She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
