I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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