My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
