He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
