We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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