My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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