Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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