I'm jealous of your bromance
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
