just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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