he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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