An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I wear drunk well.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
