dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
