some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
