My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
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