Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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