Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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