Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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