I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Holy shit dude........stairs
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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