it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
