we have pet lesbian snakes
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
