I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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