I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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