She is in my trunk
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
