Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
