white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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