i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
