I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
