I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
