I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
