Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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