Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
