if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
