At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
