I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
