the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
