i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
well, you know. whores of a feather.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
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