I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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