he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
