I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
