As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
