Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
