I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
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Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
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I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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