is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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