Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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