This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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