I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
