I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Randomize
