I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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