Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
