in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
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She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
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I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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