First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
