Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
