he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
