just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
