I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hippo gnu deer
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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