dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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