"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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