I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
