Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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