Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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